Fun with Retirement
Fun and Retirement are suppose to mean the same thing
Jokes, Quotes, Cartoons and Old Videos
If you have any 'clean' jokes for or about seniors, send to:
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Physical exercise is good for
you. We know that we should do it daily, but
our bodies don't want us to do too much, so here's a program of strenuous
activities that do not require physical exercise.
You may use this program without charge.
01) Beating around the bush
02) Jumping to conclusions
03) Climbing the walls
04) Swallowing your pride
05) Passing the buck
06) Throwing your weight around
07) Dragging your heels
08) Pushing your luck
09) Making mountains out of molehills
10) Hitting the nail on the head
11) Wading through paperwork
12) Bending over backwards
13) Jumping on the bandwagon
14) Balancing the books
15) Running around in circles
16) Eating crow
17) Tooting your own horn
18) Climbing the ladder of success
19) Pulling out all the stops
20) Adding fuel to the fire
21) Opening a can of worms
22) Putting your foot in your mouth
23) Starting the ball rolling
24) Going over the edge
25) Picking up the pieces
Whew! That's a workout! Now sit down and
26) Exercise caution.
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says - something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEKEND:
1. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life
we could simply press 'Ctr- Alt- Delete' and start all over?
2. If raising children was going to be easy,
it never would have started with something called 'labor!'
3. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever
1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned
that most people die of natural causes.
2. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement...
4. Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone camera these days
no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
5. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
6. How is it, one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
7. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
8. Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'
a. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed
if he's going to look up there anyway?
b. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway
A Joke sent to us by e-mail
2 QUARTERS or a DOLLAR BILL
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber
whispers to his senior customer,
'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.
'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'
Later, when the senior leaves, he sees the
same young boy
coming out of the ice cream store & says ; 'Hey, son! May I ask you
a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'
The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because
the day I take the
dollar, the game's over!'
Presented by that famous author -- Unknown:
"I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension!"
"Retirement: World's longest coffee break."
"Life begins at retirement."
"The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money."
Groucho Marx You Bet Your Life
DANCES OF THE 1950's: THE HAND JIVE (1957)
THE HONEYMOONERS ...IN COLOR! 1969
THE BEATLES FIRST TELEVISION APPEARANCE 1963
THE ORIGINAL FLASH GORDON SERIAL theatres-1939; TV-1960's
Full Episode THE LONE RANGER 1955
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